I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
