Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
