Having a random hookup so left but love u
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
