Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
