I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
