Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
