what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
