Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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