U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
