bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
