we're blogging at a bar
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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