fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My ass is underappreciated
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
