how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
