how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
