You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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