You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
