I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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