i barfeds in our rink
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
