Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize