everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
