Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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