you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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