When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
