i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
