She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
