Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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