I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
