on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
