We're facebook friends in real life
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
