How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I stole a fireplace last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
