just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
