You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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