He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
