i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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