I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
