My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
