Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
