His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Someone shattered a urinal.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
