She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
