How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
