All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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