Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
