Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
