I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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