she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
