Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
