Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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