Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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