is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
