A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want her autograph on my taint
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
