I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
