i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
