onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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