It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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