I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
